I Haz It - The Two Evils Derby Name Approval!

MADMOTHER!

Holy crap! Remember my despair when I thought it was gone? I had looked at times, then life dragged me into the depths of loss. I had not checked for months, then on Christmas Day guided by only the one who was missing... I looked. And there it was. Me. Nothing more could convince me to be who I am. Madmother. Hellion on wheels. I am going to fight through age, weight, fear. I am going to SKATE!

Fuck it. What will be, will be.

Stack It, Stack it Good...

Dragged this sorry old example of a carcass down to derby training last night. Lurgy still lingers and I sound like a four-pack-a-day smoker with my hacking cough and raspy wheeze (never smoked a week in my life. Yeah, I know it should be day, but I did for a couple of those in high school until I realised EVERYBODY in Year 7 had taken it up as the cool thing to do. Never was one to run with the crowd, not my style).

But I paid my registration/insurance with Skate Australia, bought my ENRG t-shirt and managed some training. Funnily it wasn't the lack of lung capacity that stiffed me, it was the bung right knee! The day before I had dragged kidlets and extra rugrat up to an afternoon session BUT in the midst of my screaming at organising kids I forgot my knee brace. Whoops...

THEN, due to teaching said extra, I didn't have a chance to slowly warm up and jumped into Red Rover full tilt. Knee not happy, muscles screamed, and to top it all off, my left bloody ankle *clicked* out. Hot dang, I am so friggin old and decrepit sometimes even Methuselah gets jealous!

Anyhoos, back to the point of this rambling post. In the midst of learning to do a 4-point drop I choke (knee-hurtie phobia), wheels roll out from under me, and

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A DECADE OR MORE I LAND SPLAT ON MY BOUNTIFUL BOOTY!

Big Boy is ropable. He has NEVER seen me fall, and I have committed the unpardonable sin of giggling manically at some of his more dramatic spills. Ah well, he may have to wait another decade or so... at least I hope it will be.

Are The Gods Trying To Tell Me Something?

I have to wonder. It seems like every time I tried to organise to skate the Gods throw something in to stop me. First, I was sick, then had kids sick, then an employee sick - mind you, topped off with a flat battery so I couldn't even get to WORK! Good one that, double header.

For a couple of training sessions my mojo just wasn't there, and every promotional thing the derby girls have needed help with I've either been working, or away on holidays!

I had a good training session on Thursday, considering I hadn't skated in nearly a month. But I notice how much more a lot of people put in. Is it because of my dodgy knee? Or fear of my own ability and lack of confidence?

I always knew with all the committments I have (mostly not of my own doing, but because of business, kids, mother) it was going to be hard to fit in, but I just really wanted something for myself. Something I love.

But now I am questioning if I love it enough, because when I look around me, the level of passion my fellow team members have is so far beyond what I feel. I just think maybe I am too old, and have too many emotionally draining aspects in my life to be able to give what is needed... Maybe it is time to hang the skates up and admit defeat.

It Has To Happen

With all organisations, as they grow, so too do the demands, internal politics and conflicts. Yesterday I witnessed one such hiccup in our derby league. On the regular Wednesday morning skate a lot of the people attending are the derbyers. This little league is now growing at an incredible rate, and what once worked is starting to show sly cracks of weakness and dissent. Not through bitchiness (though I must add, you put of lot of strong women in a group and hell, whaddya think is gonna happen... ) or troublemakers, but purely from the pressure of ANY organisation that grows too quickly. Firm procedures, processes, rules and expectations have to be explained clearly AND enforced. It is no good worrying if you are goin' to be everybody's mate at the end if the whole damn thing implodes before it even gets started. If people want to act like a bunch of children there are times you need to treat them as such!

The whole philosophy of this league was what attracted me and many others, it would be a shame if it was lost. That is what WILL happen unless you all focus, find the issues, and resolve them NOW from a grassroots level. If you take the title, you have to do the hard yards, and not leave it all to fall on one or two people until they buckle from the strain.

So people, breathe, take a step back, and as I said yesterday, if you ain't part of the problem nor part of the solution: ZIP IT!

And even more tragically - my derby name might be taken already! How could I ever be anything other than Madmother after a decade of this username... *sob*

My only hope is that when the backlog on the international register clears, I am the one who applied for it first. Now I just have to wait it out...*sniff*sniff*

The First Wave

Have you noticed the median age of roller derby girls? I mean, have you really had a good look over a larger group? We are the first wave surging back. The roller skating fanatics of the seventies and eighties leaping forward to embrace the now. The thirty and forty something former hot skater babes, now hot mammas, looking for me time. Leaving behind the life of nappies, school, homework, soccer, taxi runs. Taking back control and  our lives. If only for an hour or so twice a week for training and bout time. 

Remember us? Watch out. We're BACK!

And skate we DID!

Yes, after much stuffing up and screwing around, (refer here) this morning we made it to the rink near the brownest of plains, on the crest of the hill, otherwise known as Digi-Skate! The car was full to the brim with myself, Lash Lass Lisa (I am now bestowing derby names on all who accompany us. I mean, hell, I have one - Madmother - so everyone else can have them as nicknames!) and six, yes you read it right, SIX strapopping young lads eager to skate. Well, when I say eager I mean sorta looking forward to it, some with a little trepidation...

The weather is pefect. Not too hot, not too cold. And skate we did! A good, fun time was had by all. No damages, very few falls. But most inspiring of all was LL Lisa and her amazing acts of recovery. I think she almost fell at least twenty times: arms would whirl, legs would wiggle, over she'd nearly go... then hey presto! She saves herself! Wish I'd had a camera, could have been worth millions. Or at least the grand prize on Funniest Home Videos...

Am I Nuts?

After two days more or less in bed, lots of pain relief, heat packs, Voltaren rubs, massage and more rest, my back is pretty much okay today. Tomorrow afternoon I am meant to be skating with my two sons and two of their mates.

I feel okay, but am cautious. I now think I did not injure it skating, merely pushed some muscles a little harder BUT then slept in the wrong position, and with my back issues that was all it took.

But, and this is the nuts bit, I think I will skate. So long as I do not push it hard, nor fall (which I don't tend to do) I think all will be well. I want to skate. I need to skate. Let's face it, I am going to skate. Carefully.

Ouch!

You guessed it. Back is spasming, excrutiating pain down right side waking me hourly last night. I have always suffered back pain and problems. My back used to click out and lock even in my teens (made for some fun times with friends, let me tell you. Many slow baby step walks home from being with mates, usually accompanied by quite a few of them feeling helpless).

Falling down a flight of stairs when seven months pregnant with Boy 2 could have made things a tad worse...
I had a couple of bad twinges earlier in the week, but I think skating may have pulled a few things out of whack. No falls or spills, just the pushing myself to faster speeds stretching things a little locked already.

Now I'll just have to get Big Boy to massage the Voltaren in, take some pain relief, and hope all is well in a couple of days. Especially as we are skating Monday, Friday and again the following Monday with extra kids.

Bloody hell, this getting older sucks!

Good? Or Bad?

Well, today was a day of mixed blessings. I bit the bullet and drove down the coast to check out another rink (traitor I am). Motivation for this was the lack of weekday classes or sessions at my regular  rink whilst the boys are in school. The one class they hold is a Star class. In other words a figure skating or dance skate class.

I went to one a few months back mistakenly believing it to be a normal session, but just for adults. How embarrassing! I had dragged two friends with me, but they quite enjoyed it. Unbenownst to me friend 1 had been attending beginner star classes on a Saturday morning with her daughter, and friend 2 was a former free-dance champion! They joined in and happily performed the fancy seal tricks dictated by the overweight, overtanned, overoiled fifty or sixty something instructor who reminded me of the oldies in Strictly Ballroom. He was not impressed when I asked if we could speed up the music with a bit of AC/DC...

After this experience, it was with trepidation I decided to trek down the mountain, over the state boundary, and give it another go at another rink.

Due to daylight saving still in place there and not here, I knew I would miss at least half of the session. But this was merely a reconnaissance, and if I managed a skate then bonus!

Walked in. Four woman skating, two of whom had prams on the rink. Instructor made five and her young son of around eleven years of age, added one more. Smaller rink than my usual, but friendly people. Was introduced as soon as I rolled on the rink. It is a combined skate/fitness class based mainly around derby training. The instructor is a woman of 46 (woohoo - someone doin' derby of me own generation!), and she filled me in on the idea of the session, and also about the team. So now I have a third team adding to my indecisiveness about who to join. And I may have only skated for an hour, but by hell I did sweat!

The good: the people, the lack of pressure, the encouragement.

The bad: the distance (an hours drive), my lack of fitness, and the condition of the floor. My wheels are disgusting and I'll have to give them a thorough clean to get the muck off.

But I enjoyed it so much I've already rung around and told friends of the session, and my intention to go every week after the holidays (they don't run them in school hols). 

Overall, a good day I would have to say!

Must add, I had forgotten how punishing it is to do fitness exercises on skates...

Dreams, Derby and a Dirty, Doddering Dame

I had this whole thing typed and *poof* it vanished into the bloggerverse...

So to begin again:

Most of you who read my other blog know of my writing aspirations, but do you know of the idea behind my derby dreams? There is a method to my madness you see. I figure I have the perfect vehicle to launch myself into the publishing world, after all, how many overweight, unfit on-the-downhill-run to 47 wanna-be derby girls who can write can there be? Seriously? *Crickets*... is that crickets I hear breaking the still silence?

Exactly. It is the hook. The endless twist in the tale we all search for to make us stand out in the masses of unpublished talent. And I can skate, really I can! It is one of the few natural talents I can lay claim to. Add in attitude, a smart mouth and plain old chutzpah and I think I have a somewhat marketable commodity: Me!

Think of the tales I can tell from inside the Derby World. I was born with the gift of the gab, can talk my way in and out of most situations, and have. Story weaving comes naturally and my attention grabbing ability is not an issue, one of my friends calls me the unstoppable force. I am already working on profile raising ideas...

Pssst... Wanna buy a t-shirt? Or how about a bumper sticker?

And 'specially for the back of my short shorts when my arse hits the air:

Of course, it will look a lot better once my butt is toned to a more attractive dimension such as this:

Roller Derby will never be the same again. Hell, maybe there will even be Madmother jokes! And Madmother underwear!

Now, all I need is some ideas for the book title... Hello? Anyone?

Bloody crickets...

Fimally Back on Wheels

It has been far too hot to go to the rink but thanks to all this rain, Sunday was cool enough at last to skate.

Even with the temp down around 29 degrees the humidity was high and the sweat rolled off (forgive the pun). At first I was feeling my lack of fitness, and my right knee injury. As I skated, picking up speed, the knee felt as if it would give way at any point... not a good thing when you are on wheels.

But then I seemed to get back into the swing, knee felt stronger, muscles slowly warmed up, the glow began to build. My speed and agility improved. By the end of the session I felt good. Really good. There is a long way to go to work my fitness levels higher, but if this cool snap lasts I'll be back on skates for the season.

And the other cool thing this week was finding some really funky leggings and tights that manage to stretch around my thunder thighs without tearing! On sale too!

Now to save up for those glorious black suede boots and some new trucks and bright blue wheels...

And time for the first admission: weight 9/3/10 - 86kgs. Height: 164 cms.

Well, so much for that idea

Did I get to boxercise at 7am? No. Still not real well, and as I have a VERY important assignation tonight with some of the parenting forum girls I felt it was a big risk to start today. Next week is out as I am off to Byron Bay at 7am.

Blurgh, feels like I'm never going to move forward on this.

Whip It - Movie or Motivational Exercise?

Well I finally got to watch it! Released today on DVD, I had the local video store hold me a rental copy until Big Boy could pick it up. After the events of today, and how crappy I still feel I was really looking forward to it.

As a storyline, meh, 4 or 5 out of 10. But the skating! It was pretty good, considering they tended to swing arms and body way too much to get any real speed. Had to laugh when they introduced the whip move, apt with the name of the movie of course. When we did that move back in the 70's/80's it was considered tre's cool. But ours involved a little more than this movie version: two girls forward, two girls backward, fifth girl forward on the outside being "The Whip". First girl facing forward (in the centre), after speed built up, plants herself i.e. brings herself to a dead stop, result - whip is cracked and fifth girl is propelled forward at an incredible speed. Made for some amazing stacks! Yeah, I was either the cracker or the whip. No-one puts Madmother in the middle...

As it is I could have skated as well as most in the movie, if I regain something akin to my peak speed and control... Well, I'd leave them all for dead. Big Boy was a bit floored at the violence having never witnessed a derby bout, the closest thing he could compare to it was Rollerball with James Caan in the 1970's. Similar, but not quite it, lol. He glanced my way a few times and threw in little asides:

"Odds are pretty high you'll get hurt."

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I had no idea it was so violent."


Yeah, well, a lot of it is for show, but the other side is if you ARE fast then you do minimise the risk of injury. They can't hit you if they can't catch you!

Now I really want to get back on the skates. If it is still cool over the weekend we may just manage it.

I feel the need... the need for WHEEL SPEED!