For Eden - Happy Birthday and I Didn't Read it Proper!

Posted this one before, but am adding it here for Eden's fresh horses and open mic party!

I'd read this one for you my dear. After sitting dribbling in the corner for a bit.

Happy 40th - get set for the naughty forties!

Wondering Where I Am?

Or not?  I have been back, it was better than the previous session, but have now missed two weeks.


Why?

Well week one was due to THIS.

Last week was because my back was stuffed. Yes stuffed. Had remedial massage instead and am booked into osteopath for this Thursday. How did I stuff it, you ask?

BY FRIGGIN' SLEEPING THE WRONG WAY! Being old sucks, I tell ya. Don't even have good war stories anymore. ARGH!

Is It Gone Forever?

I posted before about why I decided to join the team I have. The whole premise and ideals of this team, the positive energy which abounded, the boss lady who wanted things done right or not at all...

I went back to derby training last week for the first time in nearly 7 months, the first time since Mum died. It was a very different league I walked into. Not sure if it is the one for me anymore, not sure if it was a one-off and the disgruntled, unhappy vibe won't last. Am going back this week, have decided to give it a month and then see. Maybe this is not the league for me, maybe the changes to the hierachy and attitudes are not what I need anymore.

But I'm not ruling it out just yet. It may have been a bad night.

I hope so.

I am Back.

Officially! As of last night.

So watch this space.

I Haz It - The Two Evils Derby Name Approval!

MADMOTHER!

Holy crap! Remember my despair when I thought it was gone? I had looked at times, then life dragged me into the depths of loss. I had not checked for months, then on Christmas Day guided by only the one who was missing... I looked. And there it was. Me. Nothing more could convince me to be who I am. Madmother. Hellion on wheels. I am going to fight through age, weight, fear. I am going to SKATE!

Fuck it. What will be, will be.

Stack It, Stack it Good...

Dragged this sorry old example of a carcass down to derby training last night. Lurgy still lingers and I sound like a four-pack-a-day smoker with my hacking cough and raspy wheeze (never smoked a week in my life. Yeah, I know it should be day, but I did for a couple of those in high school until I realised EVERYBODY in Year 7 had taken it up as the cool thing to do. Never was one to run with the crowd, not my style).

But I paid my registration/insurance with Skate Australia, bought my ENRG t-shirt and managed some training. Funnily it wasn't the lack of lung capacity that stiffed me, it was the bung right knee! The day before I had dragged kidlets and extra rugrat up to an afternoon session BUT in the midst of my screaming at organising kids I forgot my knee brace. Whoops...

THEN, due to teaching said extra, I didn't have a chance to slowly warm up and jumped into Red Rover full tilt. Knee not happy, muscles screamed, and to top it all off, my left bloody ankle *clicked* out. Hot dang, I am so friggin old and decrepit sometimes even Methuselah gets jealous!

Anyhoos, back to the point of this rambling post. In the midst of learning to do a 4-point drop I choke (knee-hurtie phobia), wheels roll out from under me, and

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A DECADE OR MORE I LAND SPLAT ON MY BOUNTIFUL BOOTY!

Big Boy is ropable. He has NEVER seen me fall, and I have committed the unpardonable sin of giggling manically at some of his more dramatic spills. Ah well, he may have to wait another decade or so... at least I hope it will be.

Fifty Ways To Tell if You are a Derby Chick!

Blog This Challenge 50

You know you are a roller girl if...

1. You can identify everybody's skates, not only visually, but by smell.
2. You can't remember the original color of your helmet, there are so many stickers.
3. You get $10 haircuts, buy clothes at secondhand shops, and eat ramen noodles for every meal. Why? Because you spent $800 on skates, $300 on wheels and bearings, $200 on pads and helmets, and $200 in yearly dues.
4. Your skates cost more than your laptop.
5. You no longer respond to your given name.
6. You're angry that Facebook won't allow you to go by your alias.
7. You've started a petition for Facebook to allow aliases.
8. Your non-derby friends simply ask, "So, what hurts today?"
9. You've started buying Neurofen in bulk.
10.You've started buying Dencorub in bulk.
11.You own a brace and/or bandage for every body part.
12.You've made voodoo dolls of opposing players.
13.You believe that someone has made a voodoo doll of you.
14.When you hear the word "panties", you think of the kind that goes on your helmet, not your butt.
15.Your get-rich-quick scheme is making helmet panties and selling them on Etsy.
16.Your wear your underwear outside your derby gear.
17.You feel proud when you tell people you have joined derby and they cringe.
18.You hear the word "zebra" and immediately think "ref".
19.Your significant other has stopped thinking the term "derby widow(er)" is funny.
20.You check Borders weekly for a new copy of Blood & Thunder.
21.You own Rollergirls, Kansas City Bomber, and Rollerball (both versions) on DVD.
22.You think Whip It was the best recent movie evah!
23.You have your DVD recorder set to screen for the term "roller derby" and record all related programs.
24.You search YouTube for new bout videos every week.

25.You're contemplating paying out the nose for AusStar just so you can watch the bouts on sports channel.
26.You can't understand why anyone would rather watch any other sport.
27.Your friends have name like Deathweaver and Glamazon Bron.
28.You've played the word "WFTDA" in Scrabble.
29.You've secretly created derby names for all your non-derby friends.
30.Your husband takes the kids to Disney World while you go to RollerCon.
31.At work, you stockpile sick days for travel games.
32.By the time you get home from practice, you're ready to turn around and go back.
33.The mere mention of a sport court makes you shudder.
34.You find the phrase "______ by day, rollergirl by night," highly offensive.
35.You die a little inside when someone says, "Roller derby? It's back?"
36.Your old friends only get to catch up with you if they come to watch you bout.
37.You've had a heated debate about ranking systems.
38.Your ultimate goal is to play derby in the 2016 Olympics. (lol)
39.The top bookmarks in your browser are: your league's homepage, your league's forum, DNN, FTS, Derbytron, and WFTDA.com.
40.You make lists about roller derby while you're at work.

41.You get irate when checking twoevils and someone already has YOUR name.
42.You start dreaming up marketing ideas for your derby name.
43.Your clothes all seem to have a reference to derby on them.
44.You find fishnets cool once more, even with the holes.
45.You know Superman Rolls are a derby move not a kinky sexual tactic.
46.You can debate flack track versus banked track all night.
47.You have people recognise you as a derby chick from the bout the other night.
48.Your children are being told their Mum is the coolest.
49.You no longer shop in Target for mumsy attire, but That Shop for derby gear.
50.You've started your own roller derby blog.

Whoops. That's me. Ah well, on target to becoming the world's oldest derby chick I guess...

Oh, and if you don't VOTE for me, I'm coming round to discuss rink rash and giner shiners. Just kidding. Really.