Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Fifty Ways To Tell if You are a Derby Chick!

You know you are a roller girl if...

1. You can identify everybody's skates, not only visually, but by smell.
2. You can't remember the original color of your helmet, there are so many stickers.
3. You get $10 haircuts, buy clothes at secondhand shops, and eat ramen noodles for every meal. Why? Because you spent $800 on skates, $300 on wheels and bearings, $200 on pads and helmets, and $200 in yearly dues.
4. Your skates cost more than your laptop.
5. You no longer respond to your given name.
6. You're angry that Facebook won't allow you to go by your alias.
7. You've started a petition for Facebook to allow aliases.
8. Your non-derby friends simply ask, "So, what hurts today?"
9. You've started buying Neurofen in bulk.
10.You've started buying Dencorub in bulk.
11.You own a brace and/or bandage for every body part.
12.You've made voodoo dolls of opposing players.
13.You believe that someone has made a voodoo doll of you.
14.When you hear the word "panties", you think of the kind that goes on your helmet, not your butt.
15.Your get-rich-quick scheme is making helmet panties and selling them on Etsy.
16.Your wear your underwear outside your derby gear.
17.You feel proud when you tell people you have joined derby and they cringe.
18.You hear the word "zebra" and immediately think "ref".
19.Your significant other has stopped thinking the term "derby widow(er)" is funny.
20.You check Borders weekly for a new copy of Blood & Thunder.
21.You own Rollergirls, Kansas City Bomber, and Rollerball (both versions) on DVD.
22.You think Whip It was the best recent movie evah!
23.You have your DVD recorder set to screen for the term "roller derby" and record all related programs.
24.You search YouTube for new bout videos every week.

25.You're contemplating paying out the nose for AusStar just so you can watch the bouts on sports channel.
26.You can't understand why anyone would rather watch any other sport.
27.Your friends have name like Deathweaver and Glamazon Bron.
28.You've played the word "WFTDA" in Scrabble.
29.You've secretly created derby names for all your non-derby friends.
30.Your husband takes the kids to Disney World while you go to RollerCon.
31.At work, you stockpile sick days for travel games.
32.By the time you get home from practice, you're ready to turn around and go back.
33.The mere mention of a sport court makes you shudder.
34.You find the phrase "______ by day, rollergirl by night," highly offensive.
35.You die a little inside when someone says, "Roller derby? It's back?"
36.Your old friends only get to catch up with you if they come to watch you bout.
37.You've had a heated debate about ranking systems.
38.Your ultimate goal is to play derby in the 2016 Olympics. (lol)
39.The top bookmarks in your browser are: your league's homepage, your league's forum, DNN, FTS, Derbytron, and
40.You make lists about roller derby while you're at work.

41.You get irate when checking twoevils and someone already has YOUR name.
42.You start dreaming up marketing ideas for your derby name.
43.Your clothes all seem to have a reference to derby on them.
44.You find fishnets cool once more, even with the holes.
45.You know Superman Rolls are a derby move not a kinky sexual tactic.
46.You can debate flack track versus banked track all night.
47.You have people recognise you as a derby chick from the bout the other night.
48.Your children are being told their Mum is the coolest.
49.You no longer shop in Target for mumsy attire, but That Shop for derby gear.
50.You've started your own roller derby blog.

Whoops. That's me. Ah well, on target to becoming the world's oldest derby chick I guess...

Oh, and if you don't VOTE for me, I'm coming round to discuss rink rash and giner shiners. Just kidding. Really.


toushka said...

I not so secretly want to be a derby chick when I grow up (and am not pregnant). Love this list - will pass it on to my Derby chick friends - they will LOVE it - and will be able to explain some of it to me =)

Lori @ RRSAHM said...

Hehe that was great MM, nicely done!

Julie-Anne said...

Loving it MM, you have read my mind :)

Saucy B said...

oh you are a bad ass saucy bitch! I think women who do roller derby rock! And I loved Whip It too. Great little film.
Thanks for visiting me via the Rewind and for the heads up on that damn comment box issue. i've changed to a pop up and the problem is gone. (I didn't think i was having an issue because I always use firefox to access my site. Turns out, the comment login issue seems to be exclusive to internet explorer.)
But, fixed!

Life In A Pink Fibro said...

Having read this, I seriously wish I was a Derby chick. It's never too late, right?

Visiting from the Rewind.

MultipleMum said...

Sounds like a great way to spend a life! Thanks for Rewinding x